Hestia and Sonshine, the vandal

I was all set to work on my blog post about last week's Talent Show up at the school (yes, Clean Amy was SINGING, and rather nicely too), but events have overtaken the family from Olympus, dear reader.

Sonshine is not just a ray of sonshine in my life. It transpires that he is also a vandal.

The Meerkat's mother came round for coffee this morning, resplendent in WHITE.  How she keeps everything looking so clean and fresh is totally beyond me, she always looks so together and clean.  I feel like Pigpen next to her!

Anyway, we were scoffing our way through the most DIVINE Jubilee Cupcakes that she'd brought round (should have taken a photo, I know, but the cakes were not so much eaten as inhaled....) when it was clear that she was struggling to tell me something. 

Well, you can't start a sentence with 'I don't know whether I should tell you this but.....oh no, I promised not to say anything,' and think for a MOMENT that I'm not going to pin you to the carpet and threaten to dribble saliva in your face until you actually spill the beans!

Fortunately, she caved before I had to fling her to the carpet.

Brace yourself, reader.

It would seem that after Warhammer last night, when her husband went to pick up the boys, a neighbour to the club told her husband that OUR little darlings had been 'painting outside.'

Well, they often paint outside so that the glue and paint fumes don't turn them into Bez from the Happy Mondays. But further clarification was provided.

This time, they had taken their Warhammer paint and actually sprayed a wall.

With a giant penis.

Evidence for the Prosecution: #1

Tartarus, who was present  (and also eating a cupcake) at the time of the revelation, sprang upright, coiled like a spring, his rising fury a thing to behold.

'It's alright,' the Meerkat's mother assured us, 'The Meerkat's father is on the case.  He'll be round on Saturday morning with lots of thinners to pick up Sonshine and to get them to scrub it off the wall.'

Reader, the SHAME of it!

I've never so much as scribbled a name on a toilet wall, never mind taken a can of paint and sprayed a huge penis upon a wall, in public.  Or in private.

Actually, now that I think about it, I do recall writing some deeply uncharitable things about an ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend in the lavvy cubicle of the student union. But she deserved it.  And I found my own name on there too, so we were each giving as good as we got.  And to be fair to us both, there was a LOT of other graffiti scribbled in there.  A fascinating way to spend an hour - reading the walls of the union bar ladies loos.

But that is neither here nor there.

My 11 year old son not only grafitti-ed a wall, but he chose to do it with a massive DICK.  We are incandescent.  I am behind Tartarus 100%.

In fact, I am SO keen for Sonshine to understand the ramifications of his actions that I have arranged for the biggest, scariest policeman on the island (currently off his work with a bad ankle) to come round to the house, in uniform, to talk about what has happened.  He has been primed to be in total Strathclyde Police serious mode.  THAT should ensure that it doesn't happen again.  There will be tears.  Probably mine.

oh the SHAME, the SHAME....

On a brighter note, Nibbles is still alive.  But one of the goldfish (Adolf, we think) has died.  He has been buried with due pomp and ceremony in a tuna can.  Which was strangely appropriate, don't you think?

Hope you all have a marvellous weekend and please, if you have any stories of your children's criminal past, please share - it will make me feel better.

Hestia has a Beautiful New Thing

I am very lucky.  I have some exceptionally creative friends and one of them is the lady who made this for me, Di Sandland.

Hestia and chix pix

I'm very keen on chickens.  After many years of begging, Tartarus eventually acquiesced and he's ok with the idea of having a few fluffy-assed ladies tootling around the garden.

The costs involved in keeping chooks is astronomical to start off with.  I fancied an egglu chicken coop, possibly in a bright and zingy shade....but at over £600 for one with a run, I balked.

Instead I gathered together my courage and contacted The Chicken King who very kindly invited me out to his Chook Empire at a top secret location.

It's not really top secret.  But I likes me a bit of drama.

Sonshine was utterly underwhelmed when I told him how we'd be spending Saturday morning.  But he agreed to come with me anyway.

We packed these:

Ignore the brown spotty arse.  It's our door stop - Spot the Dog.

We drove to the Secret Location and bounced the mini up a rocky trail to the door of the Chicken King, who was waiting in the driveway for me.  I reversed up the driveway.  If nothing about this post impresses you, let ME reversing UP a driveway be what does the trick.

We did not need the wellies.  He took us to his show birds.  Oh. My. God.

Feast your eyes on these.....

I can't tell you how much I adored these buff chooks 

These are the Pencils.  There was some frantic sex took place
directly after the photo was taken.  Sonshine left horrified.

These are not pencils, they have stripes

all these chickens were bigger than spaniels.
In fact, they were bigger than my first car.

Sonshine was too trepidatious to get close to let you see that they
are taller than knee height.

They move quite quickly.  That's my excuse for rubbish pix

He stood and POSED for this, with that leg held up like that.

These are the jobbing hens - look the wee Silkie!

More 'bog standard' non show-bird birds.  Gorgeous.

There is a bright blue bit on this silkie's thing. Wattle. Woggle

See the other one? I've seen Liz Taylor wearing a hat just like that.

all together now - aaaaaaaaaah
chickies with their foster mum

The show cock.  Persil white plumage

I was blown away by the birds.  He's been breeding them since he was 11 and has got the finest collection of Plymouth Rocks in Britain - even breeding back in the blue colour which had died out here.  He has, he assured me, the best cock in Britain. So many jokes, so little time to crack them in.

We decided that I would be better off with Commercial hens.  Although those buff ones at the top are looking VERY gorgeous to me.

I would have a little trio - Gloria (Steinman), Gertrude (Stein) and Germaine (Greer).  Named after prominent feminists because they will be going through life without a cock :-D

What do you think? Should I get a little trio?

Hestia .... and books

I think libraries are fantastic places.  Always have done.  I became a member of my local library before I started school and enjoyed nothing better than finding a quiet place between the towering book shelves to pour over my latest borrowings.

And I'm still like that today.  But now they've got rather plush violet chairs to sit in.

Here's today's haul.

As you can see, the Gaelic moment has passed and I have opted to give Spanish a chance.  Gaelic is too hard to learn on your own and the library set was on cassette.  Which meant hauling an ancient Walkman out of the cupboard.  Sadly SOMEONE had left batteries in it about 20 years ago and I have not been overly keen on trying to prise their leaking bodies from the cavity....so I managed to find a mains adaptor. A rather short mains adaptor, which meant that I was trying to learn Gaelic humphed over like Quasimodo.

I have gone instead for Spanish.  358 million people can't be wrong.

I have opened the box (something that I failed to do in the library).

It has cassettes.  Ah well, at least Quasimodo speaking Spanish is a step in the right geographical direction I suppose....

The book on the left is a biography on one of my favourite artists - Caravaggio.  What a man - a brawling, whore-loving, artistic genius who thought - amongst other things - that the Vatican wouldn't be perturbed about him using the body of a drowned prostitute as the model for his Death of The Virgin.

They were.

And on the right, the Illuminations of Hildegard of Bingen.

I haz eclectic tastes, no?!

Anyhoooooo the main thing is I GOT MY GIFT SETIFICATE FOR WINNING THE LIBRARY SERVICE'S MILLS &BOON COMPETITION!!!!!

Now I have TWENTY legit pounds to spend in the bookshop in town!  What will it be?!  What book do I NEED to buy?!

Tell me!

PS - the two envelopes on teh table (green) are birthday cards that should have been posted last month. Perhaps a book on time management?

Hestia.....briefly

I just wanted to pop in to let you know that I heard from Prometheus the other day and he's gone all outdoorsy AND left his wife for Another Woman (well, he did it more than 10 years ago - but it's news to ME!) and I hope we continue to keep in touch.  But that's it.

*sigh*